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Importance Of Love And Patience

Importance of Love and Patience

Bringing up a child with autism requires a lot of love and patience. Impaired social interaction (NINDS), a hallmark feature of a child with an autism spectrum disorder, can affect the quality of communication.  A child with autism has difficulties with conveying meanings through speech and non-verbal languages, such as body language and facial expressions. This can make communication difficult because the child does not understand the need to reciprocate, as it is not easy to work out another person’s intentions. As a result, the relationship between the parents and child can appear very one-sided.  These problems of communication are caused by a real lack of social understanding.

Although autism can be exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally because of the many layers and complexity of the condition, it is important that parents find ways to connect with their children in a meaningful way.  Love and patience are needed. Fortunately, there are many ways to show these attributes through words and actions.  In order to find more ways to connect, parents can:

  •     educate themselves about autism to gain knowledge and understanding,
  •     modify their approach,
  •     give their child plenty of praise and positivity,
  •     be patient and loving, and
  •     accept their child as he or she is.

The first step is to find out as much as possible about autism from professionals, autism organizations, support groups, and by reading as much literature as possible to gain knowledge and understanding.

The social world can be a frightening and chaotic place for your child with autism.  Your child needs order, structure, and predictability to feel safe and secure, more so than a more straightforward child.  He cannot predict people in the same way as others because of difficulties understanding the emotional world and states of mind of others, such as intentions.

To help him adjust, approaches can be modified by giving your child clear instructions and communicating in a direct, concrete way.  Inform your child of any potential changes to come as disruptions in routines can be very unsettling.  Get to his level because he can’t get to yours;  build a bridge and try to close the gap.  It takes a lot of hard work and patience to connect to his world but it can be done.

Verbal praise has a positive effect.  Show encouragement and support for all the good things your child does as this helps to build self-esteem and create a more positive environment.  Although it can be very hard to stay calm and not lose patience when dealing with behaviors such as tantrums, and other difficult or demanding behavior, always try to focus on the good; a child reacts well to positivity.

Be patient and view any setbacks as part of the learning and growing process. With a lack of reciprocity, relationships can feel all too one-sided, but it is important not to lose sight of the fact that so much of what your child does or does not do is not deliberate, and is because of the way his brain functions.  There will be times when your child will have setbacks as he can regress when stressed.  Unconditional love and patience can replace frustration.

Similarly, parents and caregivers should come to the realization that the child needs to be loved and accepted on his own terms because he cannot adjust so well in many environments.  Your child is still an individual first with his own personality and unique way of being. With love, patience, kindness, and acceptance, parents come to see the beautiful soul that is there within the child despite any limitations of his mind.  By having belief in your child and working to build bridges, you will help to bring out the best in him.


National Institute of Mental Disorders and Stroke (NINDS).  (n.d.). Ninds.nih.gov:   Autism fact sheet: What is autism?  Retrieved  April 28, 2011, from: http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/autism/detail_autism.htm

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Being an RBT for me was extremely fun because where were you going to find a place where you can be completely silly without having to worry what people thought about you? This was the only job that made me feel like I could make a dramatic difference while being myself.

I also liked to be surrounded by people that had the same goals of wanting to help kids and the teamwork made the job much easier and more enjoyable.

Change and progress was the ultimate goal for our kiddos. The early intervention program was seriously only a miracle because I saw changes in the kiddos that from day one, you wouldn’t even recognize who they were.

Changes from being able to utter 3-4 words where they can only make a syllable from when they started, the behavior decreases in which kiddo that used to engage in 30-40 0 self-harm to only half, learning how to wait during games, table work where they use to swipe and drop to the floor if they had to.

My favorite was when the parents would tell us what amazing progress they were making at home. I used to tear up and felt for these parents so much because it was already difficult for them and now, they can trust and rely on ABA and the therapists knowing their goal was ours.

By Emma Rogers, BA, RBT

Mother Child
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