How family members can help
If a child in your family is autistic, begin by asking the child and their parents what would help. Offer one specific job you can do, then give them room to accept, change it or say no.
Our original article, first published in 2011, encouraged relatives to offer support, spend time together and learn about autism. Here is a practical way to put that support into words and actions.
Offer something you can reliably do
Choose a task that fits your time and the family's wishes. You could offer to bring a meal, collect groceries or take care of a household job. Ask before arranging childcare or taking over a routine.
For example, you could write: “I can bring dinner on Thursday. Would that help? Tell me what food works for everyone, or we can choose something else.”
Agree on the details before you act: what the job involves, when you will do it and who needs to be there. If you cannot keep the arrangement, tell the family promptly. A small offer you can keep is a useful place to start.
Let the child and family set the plan
Ask what the child enjoys and how they prefer to communicate. Include them in decisions about spending time together. A familiar game at home, a quiet visit or a shared interest can be an option; a large outing is not required.
Before a visit, ask about routines, food, noise and how the child can ask for a break or leave. The National Autistic Society explains that preferences and support needs differ, and recommends involving autistic people in planned changes. Use what you learn about this child rather than assuming every autistic child wants the same thing.
If the family already uses a communication or support plan, ask them to show you what your part involves. Bring questions about changes to that plan back to the child's team. Share information when it is wanted, and ask before sharing the child's diagnosis or photos with other people.
Leave room for everyone
Offer time with each child in the family. Ask siblings what they would enjoy doing with you, without making the visit depend on helping care for their brother or sister. An adult can take responsibility for the arrangements.
Keep checking that your offer is still useful. You could ask, “Would you like to do this again, or would another kind of help be better?” Accept the answer, including a change of plan.
For help finding local services, start with the family's existing education or care team. Families in England can also use the NHS help-and-support page; readers elsewhere should check the services available where they live.
Karen Chung is the Founder and CEO of Special Learning. Special Learning exists to move the more than one billion people touched by autism, worldwide, toward independence; families, caregivers and educators are the front door, and the professionals who serve them are the delivery arm.
Sources and further reading
If you want to go further
A guide for the brothers and sisters of an autistic child
My Brother, My Sister, and Autism: A Kid's Guide for Siblings (Ages 6–12)
Explains autism to a brother or sister aged 6 to 12, with a note for parents and activities to do together. A digital download (3 PDF files, 25 pages); printed copies are not included.
$9.99
Not ready to buy? The starter guide is free.