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For families

How do I teach my autistic child to wait?

Start with a wait of just a few seconds for something your child wants: show a wait card, say “wait,” and hand it over right away with praise when the wait ends. Then stretch the wait a little at a time, and give your child something to do while waiting, because having something to do can make waiting easier than empty time. Waiting is a skill your child learns in small steps, not a test of patience.

What this page covers

Why is waiting so hard for my child?

Waiting asks your child to hold off on something they want, often with no way to see when the wait will end. A clear wait cue shows what is expected, and a visual timer shows the time passing. If your child protests, grabs or walks away, it may be a sign that the wait is too long right now; it isn't a bad attitude. So keep the first waits short enough to win, and make the end of the wait easy to see.

How do I start teaching my child to wait?

These steps build on the Texas Education Agency's autism toolkit wait card, adapted for home:

  1. Choose something your child wants, like a snack, a toy or a turn on the tablet.
  2. Show the wait card and say “Wait.”
  3. Begin with a few seconds, and lengthen the wait little by little.
  4. When the time is up, take the card back and give the item right away with praise: “Great job waiting! Now you can play.”
  5. Use the card the same way every time.

At home, try a few short practices at calm moments rather than one long practice. Don't hand the item over in the middle of grabbing or protest; once your child is calm, try again with a wait short enough to win.

Does a visual timer help my child wait?

A timer shows the wait getting smaller, so your child can see the end coming. In one school study, a child with developmental disabilities learned to wait with a red wait card, the word “wait” and a visual timer, and the wait grew step by step from 1 second to 10 minutes. Later the timer was used without the card, and it still worked for that child (Grey and colleagues, 2009). That was one child, so take it as an example of the method, not a promise of 10 minutes. At home, set the timer for a wait your child can already manage, let them watch it run out, and keep your word the moment it does.

What can my child do while waiting?

Give the wait a job. In a study of autistic children learning to wait for a bigger reward, the children showed less disruptive behavior during waits that came with a small task to do than during waits with nothing to do (Dixon and Cummings, 2001). At home that task can be tiny: hold the cup, stack three blocks, sing one song, squeeze a toy, or count with you.

Our Waiting My Turn story pairs a practice line, “It's hard to wait but I can do it,” with choosing something else to do while waiting. If you use a line like this, practice it when nobody is upset, so it's ready when a real wait comes.

Where can we practice waiting during the day?

Everyday life is full of short waits: while you pour a snack, before a turn in a game, at the door before going outside, while the bath fills, or in line at the store. Start at home, where the stakes are low and you control the timing, and move to busier places once home waits are easy. A first-then card (“first wait, then the swing”) shows your child what comes after the wait.

When should I bring in my child's team?

Talk with your child's pediatrician, therapist or teacher if waits keep ending in distress that doesn't ease with practice, if your child runs off or gets hurt when they have to wait, or if waiting is getting in the way of school or outings. Bring specifics: what your child was waiting for, how long the wait was, what happened right before and what helped even a little. The team can help you set the starting wait and the next step for your child.

  • Start with waits of a few seconds, short enough to win.
  • Use the same cue every time: the word “wait” with a wait card or a visual timer.
  • When the wait ends, hand it over right away with praise.
  • Give your child something small to do while waiting.
  • Add time slowly; after a hard wait, wait for calm, then try a shorter one.

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Prefer to start with one guide? Download the free ABCs of Autism guide →

Free tools for practice: make a first-then card or make a token board and print it.

A story to practice waiting

Waiting My Turn uses a short illustrated story to teach your child to wait their turn, in three steps: Talk (“It’s hard to wait but I can do it.”), Choose something else to do, and Do it. You get four English PDFs, 42 pages in total including front matter: color and black-and-white stories, rule cards and a 24-page instructional guide. $9.99 USD, one payment. It’s a digital download; no printed copies are shipped.

See Waiting My Turn ($9.99)

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Special Learning has served families and professionals in 140+ countries since 2010.

Last updated November 12, 2026.

References

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